I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You took a bar mat shot.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
