a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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