Kiss
Puke
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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