i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
