This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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