He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
