it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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