My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
