i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
this will be a night to untag.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
