i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
