You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
