...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
