Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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