This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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