I will die if light touches me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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