Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
