I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
