Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
