What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
