Don't make out with my wife yet
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
