I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
