Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
