No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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