friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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