Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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