Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
