Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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