She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
