I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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