Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize