just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
