I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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