OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just blew my weed a kiss
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
