Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
