he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
