I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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