I want to walk on stilts...naked
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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