I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
