Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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