I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
