thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
