I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize