so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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