dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
