Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
