Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
