I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I didn't notice because vodka
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize