Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize