I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
