You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
