We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
