i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize