Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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