I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
