Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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