My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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