Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
