I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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