i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
