Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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