our cab driver is having phone sex.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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