Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
