2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
