i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's official drugs can't kill me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
