So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
